Unremitting Kitsch

The Madonna Inn-
      My gay brother, West Jr. , introduced me to The Madonna Inn. This is a "Motel" (Actually more of a world famous resort housed within an Odd Motel Like setting, complete with fountains, boulders and flashing neon lights- You have to see it to even realize what I'm talking about). It's located in San Luis Obispo, California. Following an annual family RV trip, I decided we had to stop at The Madonna Inn on our drive back from the Santa Cruz Redwoods to Orange County. What better way to top off a week in a luxury RV, than to add a little down home luxury by staying a night at a pimped out motel. Upon entering the premises the first thing that came to my mind was that the owners must be either crazy or on drugs. But whatever their mental state, the place is fabulous.
      We were lucky enough to snag a room (most of the year the hotel is totally booked, and often requires booking two weeks in advance). We got the "Portuguese Room" . Every room has a random theme, such as "The Rock Room", "The Hearts and Flowers Room", the "Just Heaven" Room, Ours was themed after the entire country of Portugal. Apart from the cheap Motel looking cover blanket on the beds- We call these "semen blankets"- (Don't most hotels now use washable covers?), the room was very clean and spacious and the bathroom had nice tile and marble fixtures. There were lots of amenities like a steam iron, bath robe, plush towels, etc,. It was like staying at a really nice Hilton, but housed within a 1950's circa Motel. Kinda weird. There was even a world class spa, steak-house cafe, gift shop, and pool. We went to the steak house. Pepto-Bismal Pink covered every square inch of the leather circular booths. There was a Willy Wonka sized silk rose garden above our heads, complete with floating gold cupids. My brother West commented that "It was like someone in the trailer park won the Mega Millions and decided to build a Hotel". Well Put West Jr.
      Everyone ordered the Tri-Tip with a baked potato, crispy salad, and Sugar snap peas. The steak was yummy and tender and smokey (It was grilled on hickory wood). Everything was fresh and delicious, and oddly familiar and comforting. It was was not like eating at Ruth's Chris or a cool steakhouse in downtown LA, but it was more like we were having Sunday dinner, and grandpa had grilled the steak in he had bought at Pavilions or Raulph's Fresh Fare, and all the side dishes were whipped up by mom. We even got a little H'ordevuers dish of Jack Cheese (I mean what else would you expect,?) Salami, Peppers, and celery. It was crunchy, and tangy, and meaty. Like a mid afternoon snack you'd find at the corner deli at Vons. I totally loved it, predictability and all. We got the spice cake and Chocolate mousse cake to finish. These were big hunky, fluffy slices of airy, super sweet cake, with enormous gobs of frosting. It was not as scrumptious as it looked, but I ended up eating the entire thing anyway. I was probably eating my feelings.
      The point is that The Madonna Inn is gloriously tacky, over-done, tasteless, fun, crazy, wonky (is that a word?), and as unexpected as you could ever expect. If you find yourself traveling from the north coast (Bay Area) of California to the south coast, a stop at the Madonna Inn, in the otherwise quaint and boring little town of San Luis Obispo, is a definite MUST-DO. The Unremitting Kitsch is unlike anything I've ever experienced.